The governing principles of hipsterism

1. Thou shalt only wear glasses with a diameter of 10cms, and sourced from a previous decade
2. Thou shalt only wear jeans that cut off circulation
3. Thou shalt be incredibly clear about which giant corporations you hate, and which you slavishly worship
4. Thou shalt only listen to music so 'independent' it has never been heard before or will be heard again
5. Thou shalt only shave thy face/legs with a number two hair clippers - no more, no less
6. Thou shalt wear flannel at all times, except when in southern states of the USA
7. Thou shalt always refer to film directors as 'auteurs'
8. Thou shalt only wear Dunlop volleys or Converse hi-tops (brand new, but with customised designs hand-drawn in sharpie by a fellow hipster who is 'about to break through in tattoo art')
9. Thou shalt know where to find a warehouse party at all times of day or night
10. Thou shalt wear vintage Raybans at all times - no exceptions
11. Thy hair shall require large amounts of hair product to maintain pomp, and under no circumstances be of even length on either side of the head
12. Thou shalt not smile. EVER
13. Thou shalt only smoke Parliaments or cigarillos
14. Thou shalt maintain a large yet thinned moustache, reminiscent of an Asian teenager
15. Thou shalt only engage in activities reminiscent of childhood play (water balloon fights, egg and spoon races, drawing with crayons)
16. Thou shalt worship at an altar made from multiple copies of Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Brave New World and Strunk and White's Elements of Style
17. Thou shalt have at least one fat, single, bearded friend
18. Thou shalt choose from one of the following diets: vegetarian, vegan, freegan or fruititarian. All require regular dumpster-diving
19. Thou shalt only wear ties thinner than one finger, several cravats at once or a keffiyeh
20. Thy transport shall be a single-geared bike, a large-wheeled trike or public transport (this last option can only be utilised late at night, and as a last resort)
21. Thou shalt operate thy own blog, but refer to it as an 'independent publishing venture'
22. Thou shalt only operate out-of-date technology (polaroid cameras, large 80s DJ-style headphones, VHS video cameras) with the exception of the latest Blackberry or iPhone
    

Above all else, remember the overarching principle: it's cool only if it's ironic, and it's no longer ironic when it's cool.