Thy name is Lebowski, Lebowski

I've often sat awake at night and wondered 'What if Shakespeare had written The Big Lebowski?'

Well, wonder no longer - with the welcome introduction of Two Gentlemen of Lebowski.

Here is the scene in the bowling alley with the Dude (The Knave), Walter and Jesus (Quince):

QUINCE
Hail, masters! I crave thine able readiness
To be dealt with roughly, as the Sodomites.
For men of sport have noted that our play
In semifinal hour draws on apace.
By Jove! I’ll wager well, Liam and me,
To thrash thee soundly at the fair tourney.

THE KNAVE
Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir.

QUINCE
Well; but be forewarn’d. It reach’d mine ears
That combustible Walter, o’ercome with rage
Did shed good sense, and raise his sword in play.
I fear not such jade’s tricks, an seeing ill,
Would snatch the burden from the jealous knight
And pierce his gizzard with the wrongful steel,
Points up, as said of Coriolanus.

THE KNAVE
Zounds!

QUINCE
Thou speakest rightly, sir. No man misdeals with Joshua Quince, by Jesu.

[Exeunt QUINCE and O’BRIEN]

WALTER
Nay, fear him not, nor his unworthy joys.
Recall the tragic tale of the pageboys.

via BB